


Out of Grief, Joy

by brynnmclean (ilfirin_estel)



Series: out of storms 'verse [2]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Friendship, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid!Haldir, Grief/Mourning, Kindred Spirits, Lothlórien, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Pre-War of the Ring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-23 00:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17070461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilfirin_estel/pseuds/brynnmclean
Summary: Spring will come again, and the winds of change with it.Tauriel comes to Lothlórien.





	Out of Grief, Joy

**Author's Note:**

> So it's been... some years. And this is a chapter I've been sitting on all that time. I'm posting it now to a) preserve it and give it a little breathing room outside of Google docs, and b) hopefully kick-start my drive to continue it.
> 
> Thanks for reading. <3

Snow fell light but steady along the edges of the Naith of Lothlórien, and though it was admittedly rather pretty, Haldir longed for the coming morning that would take him and his siblings back to Caras Galadhon. Not that they would be free of work while in the city, but they would at least be in a talan with a roof and a hearth to ward off the cold, unlike the open guard telain on the borders. Haldir huddled shoulder to shoulder with his sister and felt the screen at their backs shiver against the winter wind. The snow blanketed the wooden floor in a thin layer that promised to be slippery even beneath elvish feet. Haldir hoped Orophin would be careful upon his return from his patrol shift.

They were nearing the end of their guard tour, the slow clockwise sweep around the borders of the Golden Wood. The north-eastern posts were typically less eventful than those by the Nimrodel and Celebrant in the shadows of the Misty Mountains, but all had been quiet lately. Autumn and the first breath of winter had not seen as many sightings of orcs and wargs from Moria since a large force—too large for the Guard to risk battle, much to the displeasure of all the soldiers—had marched northward and neither returned nor come near Lórien. Rúmil had visited Cerin Amroth and reported that the shadow of Dol Guldur across the Anduin had lessened.

Something had clearly happened in the far north, and normally Haldir would have requested to be among the scouts searching for answers and news, but he’d promised both Orophin and Rúmil that he would stay within the Naith during their annual leave until spring.

Leave would give him time to decide what to do next—whether he wanted to sign up for another guard tour or volunteer to travel outside the forest. The itch to go beyond Lothlórien wasn’t strong yet, but it had the rest of winter to grow.

Rúmil’s head nodded with weariness and Haldir shifted, curling an arm around her and guiding her head to rest against his shoulder. Only one of them needed to be awake for the watch and Rúmil had been on the patrol shift before Orophin. Had Rúmil not needed sleep, Haldir would have joined Orophin out there—two on patrol, one on watch. But he did not mind staying, did not mind keeping watch over his little sister.

It was difficult to judge time when clouds shrouded the sky, but Haldir thought it was perhaps a little lighter in the east. Orophin had promised to be back before dawn and just as Haldir thought of his brother’s return, a low whistle pierced the quiet and Orophin soundlessly swung from a neighboring tree into the talan. He skidded a little as his feet slid along the slick snow on the floor and Haldir uncovered the lamp at his side in time to see Orophin’s irritated frown.

“Every year I forget how much I hate the snow out here,” Orophin grumbled, coming in close to the silver light that spilled across wood that was shielded from the wind.

“It’s worse outside the forest,” Haldir said, smiling as Orophin rolled his eyes and made a futile effort to brush the snow off his clothes. “Besides,” Haldir continued, “tomorrow we’ll be in Caras Galadhon where there is no snow by the grace of the Lady.”

The wind rattled around the talan’s screen again and Orophin had to catch his hood to keep it covering his head. He huffed a laugh. “Dawn—and Cullas’s company—cannot come fast enough, I think.”

“Anything to report?” Haldir asked, nudging Rúmil awake since Orophin’s arrival meant Haldir needed to move. Rúmil blinked away her dreams and murmured a quiet greeting to Orophin, who rummaged through one of their packs in search of breakfast.

“Nothing much out there,” Orophin replied through a mouthful of lembas. At Haldir’s raised eyebrow, he smiled sheepishly and swallowed. “There’s no game in the snares and the wolves you heard at midnight appear to have run off westward, judging by the tracks I could still see in the snow. And they were normal wolves rather than wargs, so I’m not worried.”

“That is good.” Haldir rose to his feet and stretched his legs and arms, a little stiff from sitting long in the same position. “Though it’s a shame about the snares.”

“I hear you. I long for something other than waybread.” Orophin pulled a face as he tossed Haldir a wafer of lembas, then took his place at their sister’s side. Rúmil yawned and settled her head against Orophin’s shoulder. 

“Glad you’re back, Orophin,” she said, her vision already clouding over again with sleep. “You’re not as bony as Haldir.”

Haldir clicked his tongue in mock annoyance, but was warmed as always by the sight of his siblings together. They were lucky their superior officers had decided to keep them in the same posts, judging them a better team together than apart.

He was looking forward to spending the greater part of winter with them. The wanderlust in his heart could wait until Spring. The season would pass with the three of them in their talan, Orophin and Haldir bickering over cooking while Rúmil wrote and discarded hundreds of drafts of letters to Imladris.

Imladris… It had been a few decades since Haldir had taken a courier job to there. Perhaps come Spring he could take Rúmil’s finished letter to Elrohir Peredhel personally.

“Stay a few minutes,” Orophin said, breaking through Haldir’s thoughts and gently kicking Haldir’s boot as he got comfortable against the talan’s screen wall. “There’s no need to rush off before breakfast.”

“Sensible as always, honeg.” Haldir laughed, handing Orophin a waterskin before clearing away enough of the thin snow to give himself space to sit.

They ate and drank in silence as the overcast sky lightened in increments. After a few moments, Orophin turned an intent gaze to Haldir and asked the customary question of their mornings: “Where are you in the river today?”

“Closest to ellon,” Haldir answered with a soft smile, pleased as always with the question, the care that was behind it. Unlike Orophin and Rúmil, Haldir’s gender was not a fixed thing—it flowed like river water on its own path and pace. He ran his fingertips along the braid in his hair that marked him edhel, threads of blue and silver woven through it signifying an invitation to ask where he stood. He couldn’t help the way his mouth curved into a smile, warm pride irrepressible. “Le hannon,” he said, rising to his feet and brushing stray crumbs from his clothes.

“Always,” Orophin replied, reaching up and squeezing Haldir’s hand in farewell. “Safe watch, hanar.”

“Safe watch,” Haldir echoed before he carefully swung out of the talan and made his way through the branches of the forest. 

The sun made a valiant effort to peek through the clouds in a watery grey dawn. All was quiet and Orophin’s judgement proved correct—there wasn’t much out of the ordinary, the Golden Wood waking up slow in a sleepy winter morning.

Complacency almost lulled him into missing the figure a few miles off from the border of the forest, crossing along the land from the north east, too far off to tell if mortal or elven kind. The absence of familiar Galadhrim grey told Haldir this was not a scout come home with news, so he made no sound and remained motionless, cradled in the branches of a mallorn, watching and waiting with his hand on his bow.

No one else appeared in the distance, which lessened Haldir’s initial alarm, but did not dissipate it. Even through the still falling snow, the person’s clothes were dark, browns and greens and blacks that would blend easily in lands without silver mellyrn. The wind rose up in a fierce push, snow swirling, and the hood of the stranger’s cloak fell back, fire-bright hair unfurling like the sudden flash of a flag. The stranger’s hair was longer than the customary style of mortals—and on an impulse, Haldir whistled a sharp call he remembered hearing in Mirkwood decades ago, a signal for a soldier’s status report from afar.

The wind settled and the stranger held up their hands in a gesture of peace before making the reply, an all-clear Haldir interpreted as _I mean no harm._

“Approach,” Haldir called out, and the stranger came up to a few paces from the treeline before halting, hands still held out weaponless.

“I am Tauriel of the Woodland Realm,” the stranger called in a high, clear voice, her eyes scanning the trees, but not lingering where Haldir hid. “My father was Telvolas Thavon who served King Amroth and Amdír before my king Thranduil.”

“Well met, Tauriel Telvolasiel,” Haldir replied, burning with curiosity as he stepped forward from the mallorn’s silver trunk. Tauriel’s attention snapped to him immediately, her sharp eyes following his descent from the tree tops. “I am Haldir Belegornion. What business do you have in the Golden Wood?” Haldir asked when they were standing on equal footing and he had made the customary gesture of welcome. “It has been many years since the Northern Kindred traveled to our lands.”

The barest flicker of unease crossed over Tauriel’s face, her eyes clouding over, but whatever memory struck her passed as quickly as the gust of wind. She gave him a weary smile and her words came out stilted. “I come with news of Mirkwood and Dale and—Erebor.” 

There was an audible strangeness in the name of the dwarven kingdom that lay in ruin. Haldir wondered what trouble it denoted. “Do you bear good tidings or ill?”

“Good,” Tauriel answered, but the word wavered in the air like a false note in a song. Tauriel shook her head, her hand slicing through the air as if she could dispel the sound with such a gesture. “The Lonely Mountain and Long Lake are no longer under the shadow of the dragon Smaug’s wings. He was slain and will trouble the lands no more.”

“That is indeed good tidings,” Haldir said, relieved, though he did not forget what Tauriel did not say. “My Lord and Lady will be pleased to hear this.”

“I would speak with them,” Tauriel continued. “And by their leave, I wish to winter in your lands before I make my way westward.”

Haldir sketched a short bow and gestured to the trees at his back. “Our kin are always welcome in our trees. My siblings and I have a talan not far from here and we are scheduled to leave for Caras Galadhon with my return from patrol and the arrival of the next company. If you will follow me, we will lead you into the city.”

Tauriel’s smile became more genuine. “I would be very grateful to you.” The wind came again with a flurry of snow and she shuddered, a shadow of discomfort and grief coming to her face and lingering in her eyes.

 _A heavy heart_ , Haldir thought, but did not press against the wound in her. “Come,” he said, and they went into the forest without another word.

**Author's Note:**

> A couple Sindarin Language Notes!
> 
> I've mostly been using [the Real Elvish site](https://realelvish.net) for a long time, but I don't have much of a head for languages besides English (sorry), so there are bound to be inconsistencies and errors. That said, these are the words I've used so far, using that site as a reference:
> 
> \- _honeg_ \- little brother  
> \- _hanar_ \- brother (Noldorin Sindarin is _muindor_ )  
> \- _ellon_ \- male elf  
> \- _edhel_ \- gender neutral term for elf; I’m using it in this context as an umbrella term for non-binary (Haldir is genderfluid)  
> \- _le hannon_ \- thank you  
> \- _ion_ and _iel_ \- son and daughter, respectively; these are often used as suffixes [Note: Haldir uses Belegornion as his surname in the beginning scene because he is male at the time.]  
> 


End file.
